A Member’s Holistic Journey – “Suddenly Awake”

Submitted by Anita Stewart, RN

My back was broken, my legs numb. Lying in the hospital bed I pondered the recent series of troubling events.  One morning while putting on my riding boots I had a premonition; a vivid movie in my mind showed me being thrown off my horse and breaking my back. In disbelief, I went riding that day only to experience this premonition coming true.

A broken back, fractured skull and scapula left me incapacitated for four arduous months. While reading a book my spiritual nurse buddie brought over, “Quiet talks with the Master”, an amazing event took place.  As I read the page entitled “Be Still and Hear my Voice,” I angrily shouted out, “OK God, if you want to talk to me, then make that clock stop ticking.”  Suddenly my grandfather clock went utterly silent; the room was like a sensory deprivation tank.  Then a loving voice said to me, “My child, you have many questions and I am here to answer them.”

What! Is that God talking to me!?  Before the questions were formulated in my mind the answers came instantaneously. Time stood still as a deep abiding comfort came over me. Even though we were in the throes of financial ruin, I had complete and utter trust.

I was told I would be used as an instrument of healing. Of course, the left-brained nurse in me said, “What do I need to study, what books should I read, what classes should I take?” He answered, “You need only show up, allow the energy to pass through you, and get your ego and personality out of the way.”

In the months following this event, I did nothing on my own volition.  Tuned in and listening, I heard His voice directing me in every situation. It was fascinating and surreal, but temporary.

After four months of rehabilitation, I was able to return to my job in the ER. I continued heeding God’s guidance, which brought great clarity and peace to my life. When God spoke, I listened. It was not hard.  I was told to buy a healing table and invite friends over to experience the “Energy.”  My friend Rachel, also a nurse, was my first guinea pig. As she lay on the table, my movements were not of my own. I was guided by unseen forces. Although skeptical at first, she said she experienced an intense heat coming from my hands. As my hands were hovering over her pelvis, I stated, “Rachel you have endometriosis!” (This was later confirmed by her doctor.) Her periods had previously stopped for three months without explanation.  The day after the healing session she called and said, “My period started at 2:00 a.m. this morning!”

And so it began.  There were many amazing results from this healing energy work flowing through me. With complete trust and faith, I just showed up.  I let go and surrendered to Divine Intelligence that knew where and what was needed.  Messages came through for clients. It was as if this “Unknowable Force” was speaking, using my voice.

The words of others humble me: “She pushed me through my self-inflicted limits…”- “Beyond any expectations…” – “I feel super relaxed and low stress…”

Others had profound changes: one overcame a fear of flying, resolved after one session.  Another, in a bad marriage, gained the strength and courage to leave her famous rock star husband. After just one session, a diabetic woman on an insulin pump discovered her insulin requirements dropped by half – unexplainable in human terms.

Suddenly, after about eleven months, silence! The voice was barely discernible. I felt the bubble had burst. Speaking one more time I heard, “These things I do through you, you too can do. But first you must do the inner work.”

I felt empty, devoid of ability or direction. But this undeniable experience ignited a passionate search for more answers, like those inner truths that had been freely given. An unimaginable journey to re-discover this “Great Mystery” was set in motion.

Today I have inner peace, unshakeable faith, and a life filled with grace and wonder. This awakening returned me to my innocence; a child comfortably at play amidst the mysteries of Spirit and consciousness. I have come to a place of KNOWING.  Aligning with the mind of God, receiving Divine Intelligence, requires complete and unmitigated Surrender. Only in our Silence can we come to know the Truth.  To quote Meister Eckhart: “The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me. One Seeing. One Knowing. One Love.”

Bridging hands-on energy practices with allopathic medicine became my passion. Patients loved the experience, stating it gave them a sense of peace and tranquility otherwise missing from day to day hospital tasks. Some were able to release tension, headaches, anxiety, fears, and body aches not relieved by pain medicines. I used Healing Touch and Therapeutic Touch on co-workers also, helping them get grounded and centered.  It’s truly what nursing is all about.

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